Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
