This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's get the cat blown out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
