A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
