I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
