Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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