Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
