Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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