Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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