I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
