This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
