Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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