I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
