Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
