I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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