you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
