the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
