Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
