after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
