so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
