I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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