I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
