Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
