Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
