and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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