I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
