Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Farmville is her only friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
