I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
