i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need moral support for this bender
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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