You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
