At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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