Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
