My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
