I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your penis caused this!
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