Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
