I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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