Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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