I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
