it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
