We named our party play list daddy issues
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
