I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
