The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
