theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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