Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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(703): View more from Virginia

keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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(989): View more from Michigan

It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

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(305): View more from Florida

Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?

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(818): View more from California

My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club

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(831): View more from California

Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.

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(740): View more from Ohio

just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?

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