Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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