At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
