I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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