we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
