I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
