Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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