On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
