I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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