All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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