Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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