I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
