I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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