Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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