im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
