I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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