too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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