it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
