just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
