Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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