I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
