your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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