me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
