It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
