Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
