It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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