Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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