Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
