I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
