I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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