There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
