I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
