Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
